Friday, November 10, 2006

Walking in the rain at 5:00 a.m. for pizza

Soooo if you've ever stayed in Seattle for an extended period of time you know their aren't many places to eat late at night. Let me set up the scenario...its 4:00 am sitting around at P.O.'s house hella hungry and not tired enough to sleep off the hunger so here go our options...
  1. Rummage for food in Porter's mom's kitchen(this usually doesn't produce anything except frustration).
  2. Desperately try to get somebody to drive to Porter's house to bring us food, or take us to get food.
  3. Use our jetpacks and go anywhere we wanted to eat.
  4. Walk at least 10 miles to the nearest store thats open 24 hours.
  5. Finally...starve to death.

The most appealing of these options is quite obviously #3 but our packs were low on fuel and wouldn't make it far...(curses!) So after a heated debate, a little rummaging through the kitchen, and a ferocious thumb war we decided to make that walk to our local nerighborhood QFC...

...10 miles away in the rain. The walk there was cool...we touched on subjects ranging from how we thought we were being watched to how devious the chicks are these days and all in all got some great excercise. After our arrival we debated over what food we should get, how hot Kelis is...ok we didn't talk about it to much but I wanted an excuse to randomly insert a picture of Kelis...

anyway...we're in QFC dickin' around pickin' out favorites from Tim's Cascades to Peach O's (we're cheap and didn't want to spring for the more sugary Peach Rings) havin' a grand old time but it wasn't enough...we needed some real food. Man can't live on sugary snacks and crisped chips alone we needed a fuckin pizza...

So we decide to go the $7.99, i forget the name, the name doesn't really matter at all, bullshit, always on sale pizza. After gathering all our late night snacks we head to the clerk's counter to purchase. Mind you, we have been followed throughout the store the whole while we were there to prevent any shoplifting, and once we finally get finished shopping all of the sudden their is no fuckin' person at the cash register that can help us.

We make our purchases and head out of the store. Another debate pops up...WHO IS GONNA CARRY THE PIZZA?! Well we split the bill of the groceries so we decided that it would be fitting if we traded the pizza back and forth every two blocks. Porter Ray was up first and came up with what he believed to be a great idea. He put the pizza into his coat and zipped it up as to free his hands.(Side note-while trying to fit the pizza into his coat i proceeded to lay an expertly aimed "nut shot" on him! Serious comedy, and for the record he gave me one in line while waiting for the cashier, so it was well deserved).

After Porter rolls around on the ground for a couple of minutes screeming and causing a scene, he finally gets up and we start again on our walk. Now usually the walk back always seems faster than the walk previously, but in our case this was the exact opposite. So once again walking in the rain we begin to conversate...such things as

-How fuckin' weird it is that street lights always wanna cut out right when you walk under them, it's hella late at night, and a mysterious-ass van drives by ever so slowly.

-The difference between how creepy a mysterious-ass van is, and one of those nasty ass pick up trucks with the detachable roof driving by at slow speeds on the late night.

-And of course, always staying strapped with a fresh pair of nun-chucks in case mothafuckas in weird vans wanna get out of line and we need to engage in battle!

This is getting too long and I'm sure you're getting bored, 'cause fuck am I bored just writing this! Anyways, we get back to his house, begin to heat the pizza and we both get too tired to continue and fall asleep deciding that we'll eat it in the moring.

Now I know you're thinking, "What the fuck?! I just read all that shit for that weak ass ending?!"

However...there is something funny that occurs at the end. Randomly Porter's brother wakes up and strolls into the kitchen in a dirty ass porno robe(hella gross)...with a dirty ass porn star mustache(mind you he's 15), and begins performing karate techniques to slice and dice(lol) the pizza to shreds! (Do ya'll remember Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yo, what the fuck kinda bad guy was that?!)

Moral is, when it comes to the late nights, watch out for hunger, creepy ass vans, and 15 year old karate chopping porn stars in dirty robes!




the 1st lady of the i.S.h regime said...

hahaha...your a fuckin clown sneeze...I cant believe you guys went and got the pizza, then fell asleep, fuck that...matter of fact i'm HUNGRY...i'll holla at you in a minute.

the 1st lady of the i.S.h regime said...
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the 1st lady of the i.S.h regime said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.